Breathtaking Eros

So Ninja and I are no more.

The whole thing is quite vexing, disappointing, and unhealthy, but all I can do is move on. This blog is about sex, though, so I’ll try to stay on topic. It’s a bit of an untimely shame, without taking into consideration all the gloomy details, because in just a few weeks’ time I’ll be back home for a week, and before things got nasty I had high hopes for sexual enjoyment. It never failed me.

So no one can tell when the next time I’ll get sexual enjoyment will be. Of course, I’ve always got stuff to write about, so don’t fret. But, damn it. Square one.

Temporary solution? Masturbate.

So Eros has put my libido in full swing and I hate it. I masturbate all the time, I dream about sex, I can’t concentrate on anything. It’s a pain. I was talking to one of my close male friends, Pyro, and he laughed his ass off at me and told me I had the mentality of a man. Well, we had talked about the end of the world and I said I’d be one of those people who’d want to get laid beforehand, and also that Valentine’s Day (today) should be free sex day and lets all orgy. I was joking about that second part, but if Ninja were within grasp I’d be doing him right now.

If I can’t have sex, I might as well talk about sex with people who can handle it. Which includes you fine people, thanks for being part of my therapy! It’s something of a relief, made me laugh quite a bit. Funny the things you learn about people, too… Including the fact that one of my more innocent friends has a catgirl fetish. I think that’s hilariously cute, but it’s on the down-low. And he didn’t start masturbating ’til he was in college, he said. I had to choke back my pity, poor boy.

For Valentine’s Day I am to send Ninja a few pictures, and he is to do the same. Or he’d damn well better. I was only able to get in one pic of my boobs nicely being thrust out of my shirt before Brat Roommate came back from class. His response was to tell me he was going to fuck my brains out when he saw me next. That.. did NOT help. I want him now, now, now. I want his cock, now. Off with my clothes, now. Lock out the roommate, now. Now, now, not. Whine, whine, whine.

I am so frustrated right now…

Eros has been playing games with me lately. I’ve been so horny, and sex has been everywhere. That’s not necessarily a good thing, either. Watching Carnivale with my mates here and enjoying those sex scenes, those are always fine in my book. Waking up in the middle of the night to Brat Roommate getting it on with her Non-Boyfriend? Not so good. I could hardly see straight, it felt like sometimes.

But then. Starting three or so days ago. It vanished. No masturbation. No desire. Not hotness. It’s allowing me to actually focus on my school work, but other shit is interfering in its place. I think I’d rather be outrageously horny than sobered and overwhelmed.

Can’t win!

In other news, whilst in the midst of some super-arousal Ninja managed to get a video of me masturbating. He requested a video tutorial of the Two-Minute Method, haha, and I also granted him that. See, after a bit of a talking to he convinced me once again that my embarassment about showing him was rooted in nonsense. It gets me all mixed up. I’m a modest girl. But a part of me also has no problems with exhibition. So the modest part of myself keeps a short leash on that exhibition girl. A very short leash, which might at some times indeed be too short. Oh well. Sorry, Ninja. He’ll just have to put up with shaking some sense into me from time to time.

I feel honored — one of my confessions is one of the week’s most “Me Too”-ed for the first week that THC has been up!

Yesterday brought another bout of the picture-craving from Ninja and I did not comply! Bashfulness, angst, and stubbornness on my part. Being quite out of the mood for a time, I didn’t have it in me to want to. “I’m not a lightswitch, you know,” I’d say. “You are when I’m around!” he’d reply in all truthfulness. Yeah, well, he wasn’t there. So what did he do?

He sent me new nude pictures of himself! That sneaky bastard knows just the right buttons to push, doesn’t he? Of course, the reaction was immediate, and I have to say I hated it all the more because it’s no fun to be horny when you aren’t getting the type of satisfaction you crave. Which, of course, was his problem, too. At least we were in the same boat…

So flipping through those pictures I decided to take a shot at reciprocation. Started off slow, removing the clothes, playing with myself, trying to find a good spot in the room with nice lighting (which is damn near impossible, I might say!). And then a whole hoard of people would come into my apartment to chat with Nice Roommate, sending shivers and fears of getting walked in on through me. I locked the door, of course, but the atmosphere was not good for getting down and dirty. I dealt with it okay, though, until Brat Roommate, who shares my room, would keep coming in and out of the apartment. I couldn’t lock her out of her own room, so I had to get dressed, fix my hair, and pretend I wasn’t just trying to be an amateur porn star.

Yeah, I might be able to get by as an amateur. Points for effort, huh? Anyway, that’s not the point!

The point is that I was hot and all I wanted to do was rub one off on camera so he could have a nice, rare video to go along with his collection of pictures (time would change my mind, and I have decided I can’t, just can’t do it out of embarassment). With a newer technique of masturbating I would have been able to go from start to finish in perhaps a minute and a half. I had to hurry. But Brat Roommate entered the apartment one last time, so I, flustered, didn’t even bother with my underwear and bra and put on my just shirt and pants. Perky boobs allow for the effect of wearing a bra without wearing one sometimes. Thank goodness for that.

So that failed miserably, and in my girlish glory I felt crushed and horny and without success.  I got out my sexual frustrations last night slightly, but it’s just not the same. I had a whole list of scenareos in my head which I’d flip through, and I couldn’t last. Too hot.

Today I look again at those photos, and in an artistic nerd-flair I have decided to draw one of the recent ones. Of course I can hardly draw it correctly and I’m all bothered. But I will finish it, even if all I want to do is stab my hands through my monitor and drag him out and fuck my own daylights out.

Oh, the sad, horny girl I am right now.

Not much exciting to say; I’m a bit stressed and sorry for myself. Classes have started and setting up life in this city is a bit intimidating. Stuff like this makes me sleepy, and I haven’t even played with myself in a couple days. Not that I haven’t had my share of horiness, though, so thankfully I’m not completely broken. Whew!

Yesterday Ninja caught me online and we talked a bit. He requested some pictures, and I just couldn’t do it. I don’t feel hot, I don’t feel sexy, I just didn’t feel like it. Instead, I wanted pictures of him. He, however, did not have time to himself at that moment. Boo, I say. A few days ago I used a nude photo of him for a drawing I had planned on making complete and cool. Instead, I got too into looking at him and I drew too largely, cutting off his head and leaving it just a study. Oh yes, I remember that body. I remember being pressed against his skin, fresh from the shower, cool to the touch but warm to the bone. It’s a sight, I tell you. A fucking sight. And I just want a bit more… Oh, yeah, I’ll finish that drawing some day.

He did, however, say that he craved me. That word, “crave,” is a special word to me. It’s pretty strong and significant in my mind, and makes me feel nice and saucy inside. Unfortunately, it didn’t make me feel saucy enough to give him good pictures. It made me feel all conflicted and crazy with wanting and a whole slew of other things, so I didn’t get to take advantage of his wanting me, and instead we argued a tad until he got better things to do. Damn it. But I love that word.
A great many things should be damned. Sooner or later I’ll get pictures… sooner or later I’ll get some. Get some. Get some!

Hello my anonymous brethren. I went to Ninja’s apartment yesterday. We’ve talked some since the break-up, and this was the first time I’d been able to see him since before we split. I arrived to find him completely naked, brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Actually, he was waiting deliberately for me in such a manner. I really didn’t expect him to be naked, even if I did know that he much more prefers it. Why is he so attractive? I certainly didn’t mind, and when he walked out to meet me, we hugged. I felt like it was forever since I’d touched his skin. It was like a gift I didn’t deserve. Of course, I wish only for it to be my gift to claim. Greedy girl I am.

We agreed to forgive one another and in time our physical contact progressed. He’d snicker at me and say, “I have a question.” “What?” “You have a [hot, sexy, horny] naked man on top of you… why aren’t you doing anything about it?” What a jokster! Soon I was unclothed and he was doing those really awesome things to my labia and clit that.. man.. and, lord, the fingering? That “come-hither” motion makes my head spin. I wonder if I could have an orgasm from that. Either way, it gets me wet enough and crazy enough that I just had to say that I wanted him inside me and he obeyed. Best. Feeling. Ever.

Thus did commence the lovemaking which was most enjoyable, albeit a tad guilt-ridden based on the fact that I didn’t do a whole lot for him. I think I was in shock. Anyway, I have to notice (either correctly or incorrectly) that whenever we get into a position where my breasts bounce all around (and he grabs them, mmhm!) he is quick to spill over. I love that. My magical boobs. I’ll be on the bottom and the bed is positioned so that it’s in front of part of the closet. If I reach my hands above my head to press against the wall, it not only serves to make the penetration all the harder and awesomer and all that, it also gives my boobs nowhere to go but.. all over the place. Haha, his eyes get big and he tries to balance himself on one arm so he can fish around to grab them. Even if we’re doing doggy sometimes he’ll reach around to hold them. I like it. I like being grabbed. I like being kissed. I like being spanked a little bit. I like.. it.

So there were two orgasms for him, which prompted him to drop dead afterwards and rest up. Mm, some cuddling. Love the aftermath when we’re not scrambling around trying to look presentable, heh.

If only we had a night together. I considered getting another hotel for us for a night, but he already forwarned me about being busy and having to work. I’d be all over it. Aahh.. I must take what I can get.

I broke up with Ninja yesterday. After his assurance he’d call and take me out on our first date of this vacation, he failed to call and tell me he was working late again. The next day I still did not talk to him in person, and had only a night-given IM message informing me that he worked late. I couldn’t handle the let-down, and called him multiple times trying to get a hold of him. With no reciprocation, I eventually left him a voicemail.

I managed to get a hold of him this morning, and we talked for a few hours. There is hope. This isn’t a relationship blog, this is a sex blog, so I won’t talk about it here except to say that basically this means that my libido has gone haywire. After my marathon(!) a few nights ago I’ve dried up and felt not aroused in the slightest towards anything. Though, that might be because the story I read in my books was about a DragonCon. Furries creep me out. I didn’t even finish it. Ugh, furries. No offense to the furry community… god knows I’ve been around it for half of my life.

It’s silly, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have sex again. It’s really quite trivial, too, worrying about having sex. And I don’t really care about it. I remember, I quit eating Swiss Cake Rolls cold turkey. From second grade until two years ago I had probably two of those things a day, up to three in high school. Nope, it doesn’t matter how much you like something. Sometimes you’ve got to worry about something larger and just give it up.

At least in this case, I can play with myself if I have to.