Breathtaking Eros

So Eros has put my libido in full swing and I hate it. I masturbate all the time, I dream about sex, I can’t concentrate on anything. It’s a pain. I was talking to one of my close male friends, Pyro, and he laughed his ass off at me and told me I had the mentality of a man. Well, we had talked about the end of the world and I said I’d be one of those people who’d want to get laid beforehand, and also that Valentine’s Day (today) should be free sex day and lets all orgy. I was joking about that second part, but if Ninja were within grasp I’d be doing him right now.

If I can’t have sex, I might as well talk about sex with people who can handle it. Which includes you fine people, thanks for being part of my therapy! It’s something of a relief, made me laugh quite a bit. Funny the things you learn about people, too… Including the fact that one of my more innocent friends has a catgirl fetish. I think that’s hilariously cute, but it’s on the down-low. And he didn’t start masturbating ’til he was in college, he said. I had to choke back my pity, poor boy.

For Valentine’s Day I am to send Ninja a few pictures, and he is to do the same. Or he’d damn well better. I was only able to get in one pic of my boobs nicely being thrust out of my shirt before Brat Roommate came back from class. His response was to tell me he was going to fuck my brains out when he saw me next. That.. did NOT help. I want him now, now, now. I want his cock, now. Off with my clothes, now. Lock out the roommate, now. Now, now, not. Whine, whine, whine.

I am so frustrated right now…

So I don’t really know how I got on Literotica but I was there after spending a few re-writing a chapter in a book I must analyze. Masturbating to erotica and other visual stimulation is interesting for me because I get swollen and super wet as time goes on, much moreso than when I’m living out something in my head. The orgasms are fun albeit a bit more challenging because being so engorged makes finding my hotspots a treasure hunt. But, there I was, reading and rubbing away to some story about a threesome (coincidence) and soon the elusive Orgasm sent me shuddering in my seat. Upon removing my hands from my pants I decided I should wash them, as they were quite sticky. And as I washed away the evidence (and washed my blushing face, too) I noticed a sting on my hand. I look down and see a whole patch of skin has been rubbed away on my hand and is now oozing. Damn it, I didn’t even notice.

What a pain, I’d rather have cock.

As per usual, I woke up this morning. Took my shower, got on some clothes, sat down on here to catch up on some last-minute class-related things (and sex-related things) and got up to leave. I was walking towards the door, books in hand, determined. And instead I banked left into the bathroom and had a quickie. I was almost late for class because of it, but it would have been super worth it. It made my day have a shine to it, really. I just laugh instead of get stressed. That’s a pretty good way to be, huh? Endorphines are marvelous things. Actually, I think I’ll go give myself a dosage right now. Or, in a minute. I have a curious revelation I shall express.

So, remember I made that movie for Ninja a few days ago? Whilst making that video, probably due to nerves and paranoia and the possibility of distractions, it didn’t matter that I was using my new patented Two-Minute Method - it was going on for too long. I had myself sitting naked against the drawers under my bed (it’s high up, I literally have to jump up there, haha) so he could see my face and the rest of me. Well, fyi, I typically masturbate while I’m laying down (or sitting in my chair… if I’m at my computer… shhh) and with my underwear on or at least a blanket over me. In order to move my trusty right hand easily and comfortably, I use my left hand to prop up whatever I’ve got around me, which involves resting it on my pelvis or thigh or groin area of course. Being nude, I didn’t need my left hand to move anything out of the way, so I just sort of leaned on it. But, as my breath was catching in my throat and time ticked by and I was stifling worries about my camera battery dying, I thought about The Masturbation Position and just rested my hand at my pelvis and…

LO and BEHOLD, a short time later - orgasm.

I wonder why that is. What sort of acclamation had I fallen into? This could be bad, since I seem to have a mountain of issues preventing me from climaxing in the presence of my lover anyway. Now I have some formula I need to follow? Fuck that.

But there is hope. You see, this morning, in my haste, I did not take any steps to set up except drop my pants, crouch on the floor, and put my hand where it wanted to be. Well, and move my ring so that it wouldn’t tear at my pants. And Two Minutes later I was opening the bathroom door, blushing, and running off to class. Yes, I did it one-handed.

This is all probably trivial, and I am just glad I was able to cum to begin with. But I hear rumours of desensitization and all sorts of things that make The O an elusive and tricky beast. Oh well, I’m going to go… go.

Eros has been playing games with me lately. I’ve been so horny, and sex has been everywhere. That’s not necessarily a good thing, either. Watching Carnivale with my mates here and enjoying those sex scenes, those are always fine in my book. Waking up in the middle of the night to Brat Roommate getting it on with her Non-Boyfriend? Not so good. I could hardly see straight, it felt like sometimes.

But then. Starting three or so days ago. It vanished. No masturbation. No desire. Not hotness. It’s allowing me to actually focus on my school work, but other shit is interfering in its place. I think I’d rather be outrageously horny than sobered and overwhelmed.

Can’t win!

In other news, whilst in the midst of some super-arousal Ninja managed to get a video of me masturbating. He requested a video tutorial of the Two-Minute Method, haha, and I also granted him that. See, after a bit of a talking to he convinced me once again that my embarassment about showing him was rooted in nonsense. It gets me all mixed up. I’m a modest girl. But a part of me also has no problems with exhibition. So the modest part of myself keeps a short leash on that exhibition girl. A very short leash, which might at some times indeed be too short. Oh well. Sorry, Ninja. He’ll just have to put up with shaking some sense into me from time to time.

I feel honored — one of my confessions is one of the week’s most “Me Too”-ed for the first week that THC has been up!

I looked good today; my hair’s at a flattering length still, and it curled under the way I liked. The back was messy and flipped out a bit, another thing to my tastes. Not eating more than 700 calories a day for the past three days has left me feeling surprisingly well, if not a few pounds lighter. It’s not really on purpose; lately I just can’t eat.

It doesn’t matter. I feel rabid. I feel ravenous. I am like a tornado, red hot and self-destructive, misunderstood and beautiful. I masturbated four times last night. I might have screamed as I did just a few days ago.

Shit, man. I am a mess of emotions, and my body is aching to get rid of them. Strange how connected they seem to be. Or maybe they aren’t very connected at all, and it’s just my perception laying the blame when I see fit. When I’m happy I’m usually horny, when I’m angry I’m usually horny, and despite what they say, when I’m depressed I’m horny because I want to feel something good. Sure that’s a generalization, but you catch my drift.

I wish I’d have brought my vibrator home right about now. My hands get tired. I wonder if I’ll indulge myself anyway. Part of me doesn’t feel worthy. Oh well, huh? Who can say.

Whew, I’m back in my home state for the holidays. I had a pretty nice Christmas, and with my holiday money I might purchase myself some ben wa balls and nipple jewelry. I’m pretty excited for that!

Speaking of nipple jewelry, I wore my dress (!) when the boatload of people came out for Christmas dinner, and it was a bit clingy to the breasts and my oddly-shaped nipples were visible at times. I battled with kleenex to conceal it (as I can’t wear a bra with it, and my sticky nipple covers aren’t with me and they aren’t subtle either) but I don’t know how successful I was. So, either my relatives think that I have six nipples, that I have them pierced, or maybe they were all too ignorant to notice anything at all. I’m hoping desperately for the latter.

One good thing about being home… is the shower head. An extra-fun tool for masturbation. It’s got like, six different types of sprays on it. The hard single stream is the one that works for me, haha. Call me a she-devil, but a few years ago I bought it for my mom for Christmas, knowing full well I wanted to use it for myself. Well, our old shower head was just a normal one and was super old, anyway. Two birds, one stone, right? This was before I was old enough to buy a vibrator, but I took what I could get. I don’t remember my first attempt with it, but apparently it was successful eventually.

I always felt (feel) guilty about the water waste, though, plus it was awkward since usually my showers were quick. It takes a good half hour or more to get off with it. So as time went on, I hardly used the shower head. Of course, the orgasms are great. Even so, months would go by. And then it came for me to go off to college and I never had my “one last time” with the thing! Oh, tragic. Thanksgiving came and I came back home, but I never had the opportunity to do it then, either. Drat!

But no, now I’m home for a month, and I’ve taken advantage of it. Mmm, it’s nice. I forgot how nice it was, really. Unfortunately this morning it took me fourty-five minutes… but it’s okay, right? A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

I plant myself on the floor of the shower, click it once to the left, and have at it. As with the other methods, this one also must be handled differently. I don’t/can’t fantasize - it’s distracting. I don’t close my eyes, either. I don’t really think, but I do kegels and stare off into space. Yeah, basically I go into a trance. Complete with, er, drooling. That’s right. It’s so stunning that I drool on myself. I know I’m getting close to cumming when I see blue sparks in the water, or when I start to not be able to see the water at all, and when the sound of the water starts to get really loud. Okay, that sounds really weird. Maybe it really is like a trance, haha. And then I start to not be able to breathe, or rather it feels best to just hold my breath, and my legs get all twitchy (which is typically distracting in any other situation) and my body freezes and then.. wooooshhhh aaaaaahhhh orgasm. It’s like an avalanche of goodness. And then I get up, sway a little, clean up the wetness, and tenderly dry myself off and go on with my day.

Which I must go do, now.

P.S. Ninja comes home in just one week…!

Not too much of interest here in my sex life right now. I’m just very, very sexually frustrated! I went with Brat Roommate to some friend’s dorm and they decided to drink. Eh, why do they always resort to that? We were going to try out my new home-made Ouija board, but I cancelled those plans after this new development. They made jell-o shots, which I’d never had, so I had two of them. Not bad, but too strong. Everyone downed the rest of them in mere minutes, of course. I sat down and they started to play silly drinking games, and minutes passed before I started feeling very horny. Shit, man, are you serious? Shut up, clit. I’m trying to enjoy myself. But no, it would not cease its cravings. So yes, I left. And now I’m going to go masturbate. Because it is driving me nuts.

Having a sex drive blows when you can’t even enjoy daylight with your lover. Life is a bitch, I tell you. A bitch.